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Cedie's birthday

Happy Birthday Sweet Angel Cedie Lynn

Cedie's Garden

We have added a multi-colored Rose garden to Cedie's memory garden this year. The roses are already starting to bloom!







Dylan and I bought her garden a butterfly as an early birthday present.

Early Mother's Day Present

Eva's mom, sent me this today "from Cedie" for Mother's Day. It was so special, I just had to share.





(if you double-click on the image, it will get bigger and easier to read)
Thank you Crystal.

Cedie's Garden

I bought some new things for Cedie's Garden today. I got her a pretty Easter bow for her tree that her CHARGE family gave us. I got a pretty purple flower stake that has a sign that says "Bless this Garden." My favorite new thing is the new angel statue! It reminds me of our angel and it fits beautifully in her garden.

When Time Stands Still

When Time Stands Still" by Debbie Hilton-Kamm

It starts with news impossible to hear
It conjures up your every fear
It's when they say your child is ill
That's when time just stands still
In that moment, that suspended time
A thousand thoughts run through your mind
Will he ever laugh and play? Will I see his wedding day?
All the planning, the hopes and dreams
Are put on hold -- just what does this mean?
His crib is empty, his toys alone
For now, the hospital will be his home
This is a place where time stands still
Where the void's too large to ever fill
For in a hospital's intensive care
Children lie, some unconscious, some aware
And time is measured by a new yardstick
Every second marked by a monitor's tick
Noting every breath the child takes
And every beat his tired heart makes
Just a moment of watching a child writhe or strain
In sedated confusion, or fear or pain
Or pleading for a drink to which you can't oblige
Seems like far more than an entire lifetime
And the children who live far too long
In hospital gowns, trying to be strong
They have old souls, that's what they say
Because in each moment they've lived a thousand days
For those who say time goes by too fast
Sit with an ill child, and see just how slowly time can pass

A Balloon for Cedie

Chris, Dylan, and I went on a Florida vacation from Dec. 27th through Jan. 6th. (See our family blog for pics and details.) This first holiday season without our angel Cedie was rough and with the first anniversary of her death on Jan. 5th, we decided to get away for a while.

On the 5th, we sent a balloon up to Cedie with a note telling her we love her and miss her. It was actually Dylan's idea (he's the sweetest, most thoughtful brother ever). He had gotten the balloon from a restaurant we had eaten at on Jan. 2nd. He was so excited about the balloon- right away he thought it would be a great way to send his sister a note.

So Saturday morning, we three stood on the beach and let the balloon go. We watched it soar high into the sky, each of us silently saying our own things to our angel.

A Slide Show for Cedie

Our wonderful friend Crystal (Eva's mom) made another wonderful video of Cedie.

Here is the link:
http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/view_shared?p=4a86ec1eb055f32f3b6916&skin_id=1012&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=email


Thank you so much, Crystal. You are one of the most thoughtful people I have ever "met": we hope to meet you, Eva, and the rest of your family in person soon.

Its Been One Year

It's been one year since:

Bubba said her final good-bye to her great-great granddaughter

Great grandmothers Ruby and Linnie said goodbye to their only great granddaughter

Nana, G-dadddy, Meemaw, Granny, and Grandpa said goodbye to their only granddaughter

Aunts Mel-Mel and Becky, Godmother Rachel & family, great aunts and uncles, cousins, extended family, family friends, and internet friends said their goodbyes

Big brother Dylan said his goodbye to his one and only little sister

Daddy said goodbye to his only daughter, his princess, his angel

Mommy said goodbye to her only daughter, the one she dreamed of having her whole life, her beautiful angel.

Cedie Lynn was loved by so many people and we all mourn her loss. She affected the lives of everyone she met and others across the world whom she never met yet they followed her blog every week.

She taught us all so many important lessons. She opened our eyes to things never thought of before. She let us all she how precious life truely is.

We have been told that time in Heaven is much different than time here on earth. To Cedie, she has been gone mere minutes and she eagerly awaits our arrival so that we may all be together again, this time without fear of germs and infection, and without dependence on man-made machines.

We love you and miss you, our angel Cedie Lynn. You will never be forgotten. Have fun playing with Jesus and we will be with you soon.

Christmas Time

As Christmas gets closer, I find it gets harder and harder for me to deal with it. I was going through a catalog this morning, looking for presents to buy. I suddenly found myself crying because I want to buy girly presents for Cedie. I want her to be here to enjoy them! Jesus gave us one good Christmas with her and for that I am and will always be truly grateful but I also selfishly want more than one! I found myself wondering which Christmas was worse- that first Christmas when she was in the ICU or this Christmas without her here. Rationally, I know she's better in Heaven than she was that Christmas when they had to induce her into a coma because she was so sick. However, a grieving mother's heart is not rational.

I decided to look on the web for suggestions from other grieving mothers on how to deal with the holidays. I found a site that had some good suggestions from other grieving moms and a really nice poem. I know I am not the only one who misses Cedie- she was so very loved by so many, so I am putting the link on here...

http://www.angelabode.com/holidayideas.html

Here was a good article about helping kids get through the holidays after a loss (those of you who will see Dylan this holiday season-this is a good article for you to read)

Also this poem titled "What is Normal after five years? was great. It really expressed my "normals" since Cedie left.

A Day For Cedie

I decided today would be a "Cedie" day. First I went and bought her November flowers for her grave site. This always takes me awhile because I have to find the "perfect" flowers for my angel- not just any will do. And there has to be some pink in there- big brother Dylan says so. After I found her flowers, I went to Lowe's and got some mulch and a couple other things I needed to fix her garden for the winter. You see, Dylan and I decided that it just wouldn't do for her garden to have dead flowers or no flowers throughout the winter. We decided we would use artificial flowers so that when all the grass and trees are brown and drab, her garden would be all the more beautiful- as Cedie always was. She always had the most decorated hospital room/bed and so likewise she will have the most decorated garden.

Anyway, I then spent the rest of the day, with some help from Dylan, "Meemaw" and Chris, fixing her garden. Her "CHARGE" tree must have grown 2 feet since our loving CHARGE family had it planted for us this past summer. It has really thrived in her garden. I moved some of the flowers out of her garden (they multiplied and were taking over some of the other flowers) and I cut down the flowers that died after our bout of cold weather last week. Once I had it all ready, Dylan and I placed the artificial flowers in the garden. I know she would love the "girliness" of it!

After we finished, Dylan and I took her November flowers to the cemetery and talked about her until the sun started to set.

It was a special day.

Dia de los Angelitos

In Mexico, November 1 is known as "Dia de los Angelitos" or Day of the Little Angels in honor of children who have died.

I am in my third semester of Spanish and in my class we talk about various Hispanic customs, such as Dia de los Angelitos and the day that follows, Dia de los Muertos (Day of the dead- celebration of (adult) ancestors).

In the spirit of Dia de los Angelitos, I want to honor my angelito...

Everyone that met Cedie fell in love with her. There was something so special about her. Although it was hard to catch her smiling, her smile could change your whole day. I loved the way she was completely facinated with the men in her life, her daddy, her brother, her G-daddy, and her other two Grandpas. She loved to rub her dad's face and the top of his shaved head. She loved to wrap her tiny fist around her brother's finger and touch his nose. She loved G-daddy's beard. Though she couldn't talk, she showed the women in her life just as much love. She insisted on having her mommy's tshirt every night. She loved playing with my hair and my bracelets. She was the best cuddler and myself, her Nana and her Memaw (and Nurse Kim and Godmother Rachel) could rock her all day. She was a very content little girl and she would entertain herself like no other baby I've ever seen but she also loved to play with her family and her nurses (when she was in the mood). She did have a very big temper but wouldn't you if you were poked and prodded the majority of your life? I loved her tiny feet and georgeous, curly auburn hair. Her nose and her cheecks- who didn't love them! I could go on and on because she was such an amazing little girl. I miss her so much and my life will never be the same without her.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween, Angel. I wish you were here. You are still the cutest Tinkerbell ever!

A million times I needed you
A million times I have cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You would have never died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a special place,
That none will ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
For all my love went with you
The day God called you home.

© Patricia Grant

Heaven's Baby Castle

In a baby's castle just beyond my eye
My baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy

Who am I to wish her back into this world of strife?
No, play on my baby, you have eternal life

When all around is silent and sleep forsakes my eyes
I'll hear her tiny footsteps come running at my side

Her little hand caresses me so tenderly and sweet
I'll breathe a little prayer and close my eyes and embrace her in my sleep

Now I have a treasure I rate above all other
I have known true glory - I am still her mother

Originally Written by Beverley Stuive, in memory of her son Josiah James Alexander Stuive (I changed all the "his" to "her" for our Angel Cedie Lynn)

The Best Present

Today I received an awesome present....

Pictures of my Angel Cedie!

Nurse Kim (Cedie's nurse at LeBonheur and at home) sent me some pictures of Cedie that she downloaded from her cell phone! The majority of the pics were taken at our house while I was at work. Cedie looks really happy! Some of the pics really show off her curls too, which I love! I hope you Cedie fans enjoy these like I did!

I can't thank you enough, Kim. WE will treasure these moments in her life.

Happy 4th of July

Happy Fourth of July Friends!

As I spend another holiday without my angel, I remember the two 4ths when she was here....

7/4/05- Cedie was still in the NICU at Baptist Women's Hospital. They still had not figured out why she could not eat (from me or a bottle) without dropping her sats and turning blue. She was also beginning her fits that caused her heart rate to plummet and her breathing to stop (this latter bought her the trach). I had already seen my daughter crash atleast twice at this point. The doctors were considering sending her to LeBonheur for a g-tube because they had determined she had severe reflux issues.

7/4/06- Cedie had been home for a couple weeks at this point. We had Nana, G-daddy, and Aunt MelMel over for BBQ and fireworks. Nana and I stayed in side with her and watched the boys and Mel shoot the fireworks. She was simply amazed at the sight! I remember her sitting in her wheelchair, at the kitchen window, biting on her O2 tubing, and she wouldn't take her eyes away the view. I remember the nursing agency called to say that they didn't have a nurse for me that night, around 9:30pm. I was so stressed because she was still very fragile at that point. Also, I had been up all day getting the house ready for my guests. I was so tired. I made her sleep in her pack-n-play in the living room that night so that I could sleep right beside her in the recliner. I got to rub her little back till she fell asleep and I got to hold her little hand as I drifted off. I remember waking up to each little noise she made. I set an alarm clock so that I would not miss any of her feedings or medicine.

I am sure I probably complained the next day about being so tired and about not having the nurse support that I was promised. However, looking back now, as I can vididly see that time I had with her in my mind, I see that it was a blessing that we had that special moment in time, alone together. My angel and me..

Happy Birthday Darling!

Daddy, Dylan, and I brought you two balloons. Dylan picked out the circle one with pink stripes and butterflies. I picked out the butterfly shaped one.






When we got there, we saw that someone had already dropped off a present for you. We found a cute lil' teddy bear and a heart on a stick! You are so loved, Miss Cedie! (thank you, who ever brought this thoughtful gift)



Later, your Godmother, "Aunt Rachel" dropped you off some more gifts. She brought you a princess crown (you were always our princess), a lei, and a Birthday Girl ribbon (pink ofcourse).





Monday, June 18, 2007

Thank you everyone for your love and support. Thank you, my CHARGE family, for your posts. Thank you, also, everyone who commented. Our family appreciates all your thoughts and prayers.